Surviving

8 years… It took 8 years for me to wake up. I almost died, a few times… What had happened to us? Where did the happy loving man I fell in love with go? Drugs turned him into the monster he had become and the love I had for him blinded me from seeing it… So many tried to tell me.. so many pleaded for me to leave.. I wouldn’t listen.. I saw the guy I fell in love with.. I didn’t see the monster he had become.. I couldn’t… I felt like it was partly my fault for not helping him out of the darkness.. I felt like I had led him there.

The turning point was last September. I woke up on the floor with him over me crying.. Pleading for me to wake up… What had happened?? How did we get here??

I had heard voices for months telling me… “he is going to kill you.. get out!” Over and over I would hear this voice in my head.. “He is going to kill you, leave!! I didn’t listen for years and the voices got louder and louder.. Screaming at me.. “You fool! Why are you still here? Get out before its too late! Material things can be replaced.. Lyfe cannot!!!” I thought I was imagining it.. But now I know it was nothing but God that lead me out of the darkness… His angels were speaking to me.. My guardian angel was begging me “GET OUT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!” God gave me the strength I needed to do what needed to be done…

The last time was the worst and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had lost my father 6 month earlier and I knew, if I didn’t do something.. Something bad was going to happen that neither of us could come back from.. After hours of fighting for my life his body finally shut down on him and he fell asleep. That was my chance to escaped and I did. I grabbed my keys and took my phone back out of his pocket and I left. It took me about 15 minutes of going back and forth in my head.. Should I? I called my sister in law, her words gave me the strength I was still lacking. I finally made the call I should have made years before… Why is that call so hard to make? I still cant answer that question… I am still processing and still healing and still  reliving what happened.. When will it stop? Who knows..

This is my way of processing and healing… Domestic Violence hurts not only you but everyone around you.. My family saw what was happening and tried to help. Nothing and know one can make you leave.. Only you can make that decision.. I can tell you from experience it is the BEST DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE!

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

 

I am sharing both versions of these images.. the Black & White version tells you how I felt when it was happening.. The color is the reality of it all..

If you are in an abusive relationship I beg you to talk to someone. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, talk to me. I will listen.. No judgement.. I have been in your shoes and I survived.. So can YOU!

my private email for anyone needing someone to listen…

jmgifford2@gmail.com

 

Help is out there!!! We have been where you are.. We can help!

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